2020 Lessons: a new nine

Hold on tight kid, this is gonna be a bumpy ride.” ~ Unknown

1.) Fuck everybody.

No, really, fuck everybody. Yes, your mama too. No one can truly place you at a higher value than yourself. So you do that. Don’t give anyone that responsibility, instead give them boundaries & guidelines. That will weed out & attract the people best meant for you. Everyone else can and WILL slip through the cracks. Let them. And allow it to happen gracefully as best as you can (but we’re human so if you don’t, that’s ok).

2.) It’s OK!

Literally everything is ok. If you feel any way, any emotion, that is MORE than OK. Especially in this hellish year we had with so many restrictions & health precautions. It’s OK if you’re depressed, hurt, upset, tired, have no will, all of that is ok to feel. Like I said we are human beings, not machines. The hardest part is to hold onto as much faith as possible that you won’t remain in any distressing emotional, mental, physical, and/or spiritual state forever. Although, in the moment it feels like a lifetime. Trust me, I know. Something I said only two months ago to help me through one of the most painful experiences of my life was a prayer that went something along the lines of: “I won’t be here forever, just hold on tight. I promise you, we won’t be here forever.” Two months later, at the end of the year, I’m out the eye of the storm and finding my strength every day to keep moving forward. But some days I only had the strength to breathe and simply be alive, which was more than enough for those tough days. Appreciate that about yourself. Take it one day and one moment at a time.

3.) Leads me to three: Appreciate yourself!

I don’t think I genuinely appreciated myself as much as I did until this year when I went through the mud post-graduation. In a way, it forced me to be grateful. Not only for what I had (which wasn’t much of my own at the time), but for what I truly only had & owned: myself. I learned to speak to myself and my inner child in such an intimate way, the latter part of this year. Probably in a way I was never spoken to as a child. Kindly, gently, honestly, & lovingly. Couldn’t no one do that in the deepest connection than myself. So appreciate yourself today and everyday. You’re more than what you think. You’re smarter than you think, more resilient than you think, stronger than you think, more beautiful and HUMAN than you think. Honor yourself by believing it.

4.) Words that I kept repeating this year: honor, love, active, suffer, God, boundaries.

Sometimes I felt I wasn’t actively making choices or taking actions which is probably why so many situations forced my hand into certain outcomes. Draft a daily affirmations list to say to yourself as a prayer everyday. It can be long or short, it’s yours, you decide. But make it truthful to your soul and tap into the spaces you truly want to heal, love more intimately, or give more attention to.

5.) Notate when you do things that dishonor yourself.

Adjusting boundaries to fit someone into your life or space, breaks and disrespects them. Rekindling broken relationships, leaving open doors for more damage to come in, etc. is a form of dishonor to yourself. Be weary of all of this, and actively make choices and become aware to how you honor or dishonor your boundaries through your actions and daily thoughts. 

6.) First impressions are more important beyond job interviews.

As Maya Angelou has said countless times, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Goes without saying, no need to check twice. First impressions can help you answer questions . Vet people out. Everyone doesn’t deserve an invite to your life.

7.) Try your best not to attach to fleeting things & moments.

How would you know it’s fleeting? That’s the trick, you don’t. 

8.) Biggest one: Listen to yourself!

Do NOT listen to anyone when it comes to executive decisions in your life. Now, not literally. You can hear people out but listen closely to your soul first and always. Whatever it is you believe IS correct. Don’t wait for anyone to confirm that. Quick story time: Post graduation when I was job hunting for months on end, many older people in my circle kept advising me to just take any job I can get. My spirit felt otherwise. I’m very particular and have a clear vision for my life and the things I want. Yet all of these people in my professional & personal network were telling me things that clashed with my true desires. Luckily, I didn’t listen. Otherwise I may be with a job I didn’t really care for in Colorado. Instead, I got the job I wanted with the company I wanted, in the CITY I wanted – NY baby! So, listen to no one. If you must rely on a voice, make sure you listen out for the whisper of God. Because unfortunately from my experiences, they may not yell out the first time. Trust yourself with YOUR life. 

9.) This one is saturated but overlooked in the most intricate ways: Love yourself.

I’m not talking about shopping sprees, face masks, or any of that stuff that you can buy with money. Although, it helps. That’s not the depths I’m discussing. I’m talking about loving yourself so deeply to allow yourself to feel any and every emotion, no matter how uncomfortable & unsettling it is. Loving yourself so much to stand in the fire of any experience where you feel to cry endlessly, question why, scream, fall off, whatever.

That’s the love I’m talking about. The love that gracefully allows you to experience everything without judgement and shows up for you in the darkest moments. This year I had to build a deeper love for myself to keep my soul alive. The love I was used to wouldn’t have sustained through this season’s of storms because I wouldn’t be here. Honestly, there were too many moments up until earlier this month where I couldn’t take what I was experiencing & wanted to end everything. But I had to make space for myself to go through it and attach a love so deep within myself that I would not allow myself go down the drain by standing with myself through every storm. 

I ended all my daily affirmations with: “I matter. Little Bee matters. Bianca Green matters. Never forget this.” 

It’s an acknowledgment to my past self, present self, and ego (who the world knows me as). I hope this helps anyone that may be struggling to build a dwelling for their soul to reside in, especially if you’re going through a tumultuous time. Remind yourself every single day that you matter, NO MATTER WHAT. 

Because like I said, Fuck Everybody! 

Happy New Year bitxhess 🥳 

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